so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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