is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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