I think my fart just growled at me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
And then he peed in my hair
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