The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
