never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize