So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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