My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
