...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
