we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this will be a night to untag.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
