Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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