Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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