so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
