I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
