sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
