i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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