The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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