can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All the doctor said was why
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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