i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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