I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
