You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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