Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
