I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
