Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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