Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
