where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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