i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
