we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
