don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We have started to decorate penises.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
