Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
