If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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