$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
