Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
