I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
