it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
