i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
