well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
