Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
