are you so shy because you have an std?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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