I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
