It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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