Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
