Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
