So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
