My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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