Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
