she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize