I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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