I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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