I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just shotgunned beers for America
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize