Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
