oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
