i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
