Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
