The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
