Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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