Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she looked like the before picture.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
