I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
