i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
