I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
