dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
time to smoke my breakfast
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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