This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
