Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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