i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
