i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When are your genitals available?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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