i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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