I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
