I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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