Whoa Z and x make the same sound
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
