Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
