So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
