update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
soo... how was my night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
