You were right. It hurts to walk today.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
