my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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