Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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