i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
