We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize