brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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