Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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