When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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