Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
do nipples grow back?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
