Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
