Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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