i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
