I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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