you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
