there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
