I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize