upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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