dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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