were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
