i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
