anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
