You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
