Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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