Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you made out with another girl for some wings
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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