I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
